It’s frustrating. You’ve had lunch with them. You’ve sent them clients. You’ve followed up. And still… crickets.
You’re not imagining it. A lot of referral relationships stall out before they ever really start. But it’s usually not because people don’t like you or don’t think you’re good at what you do.
It’s because there are some practical (and fixable) gaps getting in the way.
They Forgot What You Do
If your referral partner handles estate planning, and you’re a family law attorney, they might not know exactly which cases are a good fit for you.
If you say, “I help people with custody and divorce,” that’s too vague. They’re not walking around with a legal dictionary.
Be specific. Say, “Send me people who just got served with divorce papers and feel overwhelmed.” Or, “I work well with parents who want to avoid court but still get a custody plan in place.” That’s memorable and more useful.
You’re Too Passive
If you only reached out once when you met and haven’t followed up in six months, they’ve moved on.
Referral relationships take effort. Not just once, but consistently. And not just to ask for business.
Reach out occasionally to check in. Share something relevant to their practice. Refer someone to them. Or just comment on their post. That consistency keeps you top of mind.
You Make It Too Hard to Refer You
If they’re not 100% sure how to pronounce your name, explain what you do, or get in touch with you… they’ll hesitate.
Make it easy. Give them a short bio they can copy and paste. Offer a one-liner they can say to the client. Make sure your website is up to date and mobile-friendly.
People don’t want to feel awkward when referring someone. If you make it seamless, they’re more likely to follow through.
You Haven’t Built Enough Trust Yet
Sometimes, people hold off because they don’t want to put their own name on the line. Especially if they’re in a service business.
They might need to see your work in action before they refer you. Or they might need to hear from someone else they trust.
That’s why building relationships takes time. Keep showing up. Keep being consistent. Keep being someone they can count on, even if the referrals take a while to come.
You’re Not Referring Them (or Acknowledging Them)
If this is a one-sided relationship, they’ve probably noticed.
You don’t need to fake referrals just to be even. But you should look for ways to reciprocate. That could mean:
- Introducing them to someone else
- Leaving them a public review
- Mentioning them in your newsletter or on social media
- Sending a simple thank-you when they refer you, even if it doesn’t work out
Reciprocity doesn’t always mean sending back a client. Sometimes it just means making people feel appreciated.
You’re Not the Only One
This might be hard to hear, but you may not be their go-to referral anymore.
They might have a cousin who does what you do. Or someone who shares office space with them. Or someone they’ve worked with for years.
That’s okay. Instead of trying to become their “number one,” focus on being their reliable backup. That often leads to more referrals than trying to elbow your way to the front of the line.
So What Should You Do?
- Be more specific about who you help
- Stay in touch consistently, not just when you need something
- Make it easy for them to refer you (bios, links, scripts)
- Look for ways to support them, too
- Focus on building relationships, not just chasing names
If someone hasn’t referred you yet, don’t assume they never will. Stay visible. Be helpful. Be someone they actually like hearing from.
Referrals are built on relationships, not transactions. If you treat your referral partners like people and not just lead sources, you’ll get more traction over time.
And if you’re not sure where to start? Reach out to someone you haven’t talked to in a while and say thank you. That alone can reignite the spark.